Walking the groves, hills, and valleys in the intimate surroundings of Krishna’s dearest devotee, I contemplated the wearisome burden of pride. Conditioned life imposes this deadweight pack on our back--what a burden of stone.
Mules of samsara, piled high with self-esteem and self-worth, we trudge from birth to death, back and forth, repeating the same bleak journey endlessly.
Dangled before our nose is the rotting carrot of appreciation, recognition and adoration. “Can’t you see my abilities, don’t you know my uniqueness, won’t you praise me--and not others? Come on, just talk about me--let’s hear it for me!”
The mind broadcasts to our consciousness the conclusions manufactured by the false ego: “I am good; I am expert; in fact, I’m awesome, in my own way. Just chatter about my glories, and I’ll be so happy.” How oppressive is this filthy load.
While I trod barefoot in the holy dhama, spiritual pridelessness revealed its alluring charms to me. How ambrosial and free! “This is pure delight,” my soul sighed. “O what a life!”
As I rose and sank, moving up one holy hill and down another, I knew I was beyond heaven. The fragrance of spiritual selflessness pervaded the air. Heaven is for pious sense gratifiers; Varshana is for the servants of the servants of the servants.
Standing on a crest, overlooking Sri Radha’s world, this lowly soul detected what his heart longs for.
“I offer my respects to Radharani, whose bodily complexion is like molten gold and who is the Queen of Vrndavana. You are the daughter of King Vrsabhanu, and You are very dear to Lord Krsna.”
O daughter of Vrishabanu, please recommend me to Your Krishna. Bless me with the real freedom of unmotivated service at the lotus feet.
Caitanya-caritamrita is my perennial shelter and solace. Srila Prabhupada, observing the mentality of contemporary enthusiasts of Vrindavan-dhama, lucidly instructs his followers in what is possible and pragmatic, for this day and age of Kali:
“Although it is very difficult to enter into the Radha-Krsna pastimes, most of the devotees of Vrndavana are attracted to the radha-krsna-lila. However, since Nitai-Gauracandra are direct incarnations of Balarama and Krsna, we can be directly in touch with Lord Balarama and Lord Krsna through Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Nityananda Prabhu. Those who are highly elevated in Krsna consciousness can enter into the pastimes of Radha-Krsna through the mercy of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. It is said, sri-krsna-caitanya radha-krsna nahe anya: "Sri Krsna Caitanya Mahaprabhu is a combination of Radha and Krsna." (Madhya 16.281)
Those words, to the wise and mature, are sufficient.
One footstep after another, though most undeserving, this creature , deep in thought, traversed the sacred ground of Varshana. I meditated upon Lord Caitanya’s own report of his first meeting with Rupa and Sanatana. He described them as great devotees and suitable candidates for Krishna’s mercy. The Lord observed that although they were amply endowed with vidya, bhakti, buddhi, and bala—education, devotion, intelligence, and strength—they thought themselves inferior to straw in the street.
"Indeed, the humility of these two brothers could even melt stone. Because I was very pleased with their behavior, I told them, ‘Although you are both very much exalted, you consider yourselves inferior, and because of this, Krsna will very soon deliver you. (Madhya 16.263–264)
This is the self-conception that attracts the attention of Lord Caitanya or Lord Krishna, Prabhupada comments in the purport. After years of devotional striving, this mentality beckons the servitor. Have no doubt—it’s more than worth the tears shed and the litres bled along the bhakti path. Continuing with precious career counseling for his ISKCON movement, the founder-acarya explains that a devotee with this type of self-worth is eligible to return home, back to Godhead.